What If?

This photo was taken at Red River Gorge … the birthplace of the phrase, “Stronger Girl.” Thanks to my photographer, Christopher Price, and Dappled Light Adventures, the 2023 and 2024 host of the Stronger Girl Glampout.

It’s been three years since my divorce. Three years of letting go, trusting more, listening often and meandering through the nudges to take risks and explore this new life. There have been moments that are like awakenings, and there have been moments of emotional outbursts. On my birthday this year, I gave myself the gift of an awakening. It’s SO MUCH better than an emotional outburst.

Awakenings aren’t planned of course. This one just had great timing, with my birthday and all. Maybe it was feeling special and being spoiled that set the perfect scene for this sudden realization. Or, maybe it was just time. Also, I’ve been walking alongside a gal who is in the fresh wound stage of divorce, and I’ve noticed that she looks familiar. Seeing someone who is still wearing armor, muscling through it has given me perspective. I see a life for her she doesn’t see for herself yet. The smoke is still too thick for her to see clearly. I can only say this now, because it took a while for the smoke to clear for me.

There are some pretty great people in my life who planned a whole evening out together in celebration of my birthday. They know me. They saw beyond the smoke when it was too thick for me. They saw what I didn’t see. As this new life of mine has evolved, I’ve tried new things and begun to build a new future. I like this new me. I like this new life. I love the people in it.

So randomly (or not so randomly) on my birthday, I found myself wondering, “What if the woman I am becoming now is the woman I was meant to become all along?” I kinda like her. I like that she speaks up for herself more often and is less afraid of things that are uncertain and new.  I like how her relationships have evolved. I think she’s a better mother, daughter, sister and a better friend. She’s learning how to be a girlfriend again, but most importantly, she’s getting to know herself better. There is something really valuable forming within her, like a diamond brought to the surface after the heat and pressure. It’s not beautiful just because it survived, but it’s beautiful in how it thrives once it shines after all the sediment and dirt is dusted off. It’s been transformed since heat and pressure came on the scene. It’s more durable, despite the imperfections.

There are questions we ask ourselves every day. That question I asked myself on my birthday awakened me. The question I had been asking myself prior to that was more focused on what I lost, not on what I have gained. I honestly hated every minute of the divorce process. It was brutal. Looking back, I cringe at the legal process … the words “irretrievably broken” that described my marriage on paper. I now realize that I began to embody those words. I felt as if I was broken. I felt that my beautiful family had been broken too. A lot of people talk about anger when they reference divorce. For me, I felt grief. Lots of it. Grief for what I believed was a beautiful journey that came to an end too soon. Grief for our future as a family. Even when blessings came my way … and I’m talking the kiss-a-high-school-sweetheart kind …  I still felt the undertow of grief. It has been background music, even during my comeback song. But, the volume has been turned down since that awakening. I’m not humming along with it anymore. Things are shifting.

The woman I am becoming is more aware, more focused and more forgiving of herself, and others. I’m not perfect. I still burn the toast, nearly every time. I still writes my kids sappy letters with typos. Sometimes I cuss too much. I still glance at old photos every now and then and wonder, “What if?”

But, I also realize that all that pain shouldn’t be wasted. Divorce shouldn’t win. It doesn’t deserve it, even though it gave its best effort to bring me down. It doesn’t get to keep all the pain for itself. It doesn’t own my “What if?” any longer. I’m taking some of that pain back, and using it for something different. I am not the same woman I was when the smoke was thick. I’m in the process of becoming someone I really like with goals that are starting to be realized. Professionally, and personally, I’m becoming a stronger version of myself… the version that believes in herself.

I hope you’ll join me in believing in her too.

The new me makes bold asks. Today, I’m asking you to help spread the word about the Stronger Girl mission to uplift women going through challenging times. Do you know a gal who might need to be uplifted? Are you that gal? If so, that’s where coffee + connection come in. (Throw in a couple of candles, and it’s more of a celebration.) As I build this business fueled by online sales of these flagship products, I hope you’ll join me in asking yourself a “What if?” or two. Perhaps we’re all on the cusp of our own awakenings. Perhaps we all need to awaken together.