The STORY
I wish Two-Years-Ago-Me could have seen how far she would come, how strong she’d grow.
THE ROOTS OF STRONGER GIRL COFFEE (FEB. 9, 2022)
I awoke before the alarm sounded, surprised that I’d slept most of the night without disruption. Since January, I’d fallen back into waking between 3 and 4 a.m., worry nudging my mind into anxious insomnia. It was a familiar struggle I thought I’d overcome. I was frustrated to think I might be falling back into a cycle that was going to stall the progress I’d made.
Two years ago on this very same day, I’d started the morning on just 45 minutes of sleep, opening the coffee shop, and hosting an event for nearly 30 women. I served them the soup I’d made the night before, standing in front of them numb, sleep-deprived, and still reeling from the inconceivable news that my husband of nearly 28 years revealed the night before. It was the kind of news that leaves devastation in its wake, with seemingly endless decisions to be made. This morning two years prior, I couldn’t begin to think how I’d survive the outcome of divorce. I stood there in front of all those women, dumbfounded and ill-prepared for the fallout of emotions and events that would follow. In just a few weeks, the pandemic would turn everyone’s worlds upside down. Mine, however, was already spiraling.
I wish Two-Years-Ago-Me could have seen how far she would come, how strong she’d grow. I’d tell her that it’s okay to mourn what was lost, but to not drown in her tears. I’d tell her to not blame herself, but instead to imagine a future where she could walk in the light of her true strengths rather than existing in the shadows of feeling unloved and unworthy. I’d tell her that this mammoth struggle would allow her to evolve into the woman that had been inside her all along, and that maybe – just maybe – this uninvited Plan B could empower her to make an impact on the world and, more importantly, in the legacy she wanted for her daughters. I’d tell her to hang on and to feel it all because that’s how she’s made. But she’s also made to be resilient, brave and bold. She has what it takes to stand up for what she believes in. I’d tell her she’s going to be okay. Better than okay. This evolution happening inside her would be a catalyst for something amazing. She’d just need to reach into her courage to walk through it.
As I pulled away from the image of my former self, I sat up and soaked in the calm of a good night’s sleep, and exhaled in gratitude. Then, I got up and brewed a pot of coffee. It was slightly bolder than the house blend we serve at the shop, and I decided that today would be the perfect day to debut it to the public. Its rich aroma filled my kitchen with hints of nuts and chocolate in a coffee kind of way. I lit the candle sitting on the island and grabbed my laptop. Today, I would begin to write a new chapter.
Reflection written by Stacy Smith Rogers in 2022 when cups of Stronger Girl coffee were featured as an alternative to the house blend at my former coffee shop, The Paddock Coffee + Eats + Gatherings.. (Read more at “The Coffee.” After selling the coffee shop to a non-profit, Stronger Girl was launched exactly a year later, and the flagship product was introduced through the online sales portal at strongergirlcoffee.com.
Reprinted from the 2023 spring issue of the JMB Living Journal.